There goes my heart (and my bowels)

I sent a tiny piece of myself out into the wild this week. And really, I'm fine. I think. Most likely.

I’ve been in journalism for almost 17 years.

When I search my byline in The News-Press’s digital archives, it brings up 4,268 documents. That’s not counting the hundreds of restaurant reviews I’ve written under the “Jean Le Boeuf” pseudonym.

That’s a lot of writing. But this week, I wrote something wholly new to me.

On Tuesday my first personal essay published in Catapult magazine. It’s about the time my mom shot at a stranger she claims was stealing mangoes from her yard. It’s about growing up half-Filipino and half-white in a county named for Robert E. Lee. It’s about generational trauma and shifting family dynamics and rage.

And Fort Adventure and perms and 90s jean jackets.

And steak knives.

With the 4,268 other stories I’ve written and published, I wrote them and moved on. That’s how journalism works. You witness, you write, you publish — and it’s on to the next thing.

This story, however, is different.

This story’s mine.

I feel like I’ve sent a tiny piece of my heart out into the world for others to dissect, for strangers to roll around in their hands, press at, tear at, and mold as they see fit. This little heartbeat is on its own now. In the wild. Pitter-pattering away.

If I think about that too long, my palms start sweating. I can write all day about chefs and recipes and new restaurants, but turn the tablet back on me and, whew, my bowels get a little gurgly.

So far, I’ve survived. That’s a good thing because, with some luck, more such stories will be coming out in the yet-to-be-determined future. More little heartbeats let loose into the world — oop, there’s that gurgling again.

To celebrate this small step in a new writing direction, I turned back to mangoes. I pulled some early-summer mango puree from the freezer and blended it into a frozen Tom Collins that makes a September day in Southwest Florida 87% better (though 0% less humid). This recipe is one of the 4,268 stories I’ve written for The News-Press. You can find more of my mango recipes here.

Frozen Tom-ango Collins

Ingredients for 2 cocktails

3-4 cups of ice

3 ounces mango puree

2-3 ounces lemon/lime juice, freshly squeezed

4 ounces gin (I like Hendrick's for this; if you don’t like gin, you can sub tequila, vodka or rum; for a non-alcoholic version you can sub water/club soda/tonic)

2 ounces simple syrup

lime wedges for garnish

Directions

Add all ingredients to a blender and process until smooth. Pour into highball or Collins glasses and garnish with lime.

And one more from me …

For the 20th anniversary of 9/11, The News-Press re-ran a piece I wrote a couple years ago. It’s about sipping a Manhattan on the 107th floor of the World Trade Center’s north tower in late August 2001. This short story and recipe is like a different li’l bit of my heart. And Buddy’s in it :) Find it here.